Opening up to Differences
For the past month, I’ve been searching for ideas to write about and suddenly it struck me, it’s Pride month! With the sudden spring of an idea, I settled myself to jot it down. Okay, wait a minute. What am I gonna write about? Being straight myself, what do I have to comment upon Pride and the community? Back to procrastination.
Of course, I am supportive of the community. But it’s like they say, ‘you wouldn’t know unless you’re in their shoes’. But having friends who belong to this community, I wanted to share the course through which I came to be aware of this phenomenon and how I came to accept it to the extent that I do today.
I have a friend who came out as bisexual and (I guess) they had known it since teenage. But then they never told me. And recently they confessed that it was because they were worried about how I would take it. Being a very close friend, obviously, my feelings were hurt. Moreover, what disturbed me was the fact that I was ignorant — about my friend’s feelings but more importantly about the people who could love beyond the barriers of their physical bodies. I almost was not aware of such a possibility until I entered high school. And even though a part of me approved it to be normal, I had a hundred questions popping up in my mind like, how would they make it work out? How would their sexual needs be satisfied? The intimacy part of their lives remained a big question mark and kind of a bizarre idea for my socially constructed small mentality. This very ignorance I had for almost 16 years of my life makes me the last person you would want to hear talking about this particular topic.
It is not like I wanted to act all privy but I was simply curious and too concerned to ask someone because it can be offensive. Instagram had its fair share of updating me on this topic and so did my college and exposure to a different place other than my hometown. But the most eye-opening exposure came across recently when I found out that a particular genre was solely dedicated to portraying such relationships. Yaoi and BL (boy’s love) animes and *mangas portray queer relationships mostly, gay relationships.
*(Manga = Japanese comics)
BL: mostly directed to romance and events thereafter. A good storyline can be seen in most cases.
Yaoi: contains more sexually explicit content usually taking a toxic, lustful start and then developing into a romantic relationship. Here, sexual content is prioritized and hence a good storyline is usually absent. Yaoi literally means “no climax, no point, no meaning”.
Coming across various characters who always have their own story to tell about their queer journey was intriguing for me. A person who thought he was straight gradually realizing his feelings towards a guy friend, classmate or roommate, the gay panic, their struggles to accept it, or even the pressure they face from their parents and peers, seemed very realistic. The portrayal of these characters is so normalized that it gives an impression that they are just human and have struggles too. In the end, the person remains true to what he loves. In fact, these works have helped (me) to understand that there is nothing cringe-worthy or shameful about same-sex relationships and love in every form is simply beautiful.
Nothing pleasant comes out of being treated differently. It is a fact that the ingrained stereotypical labelling of gender binaries as ‘being normal’ has prompted us to isolate these people who identify themselves outside this gender norm circle. But I have always found myself enveloped in a sense of warmth when people accept themselves for who they are and others around them acknowledge that matter.
If I have managed to arouse your interest, I will list my (personal) top 3 yaoi and bl. If you are a fan of these genres, you can recommend some to me as well.
MY TOP 3 BOY’S LOVE
1. Given (Anime/Manga)
2. Here U Are (Manga)
3. Umibe no Étranger (Anime/Manga)
MY TOP 3 YAOI
BJ Alex (Manga)
Under the Green Light (Manga)
Love is an Illusion (Manga)
Until recently, I used to question the necessity of the LGBTQ+ community. I used to think that the very fact that they set themselves apart as a ‘community’ would be one of the reasons that do not normalize the concept of same-sex love/marriage. But I realized that it was my privileged self talking — the privilege of being ‘normal’, of being straight and conforming to the society’s norm of sexuality. I realized that there is more to it than just normalizing it. They were actually deprived of things and shunned just because their sexuality or sexual preferences were different. Does having different sexuality make them any less of a human? Does that make them any less efficient? Does it alter any of their human values? They too want a normal life by accepting themselves. Society, even today, is simply ignoring the matter since it is against the social construct and considered unethical. People are pushing away the idea of homosexuality saying that it is just a phase of life. In fact, they do not want to accept that such diversity can exist. Why? Because of the fear that the centuries-long hard work they poured into making social conduct is now at risk?
Reading about these people’s lives made me empathize with them, recognize their struggles and finally see them overcome it. In real life too, people struggling for freedom of expression of who they actually are, what they actually want and finally achieving it is a huge milestone. Then, conduct and ethics are the least important. We just want to be happy for an individual’s achievement. Isn’t that what makes us human?
These works also constitute various methods in which an individual can indulge in various sexual acts and portrays how sexual fantasies differ from person to person. In that sense, it is more directed to an individual than a particular community to explore their fantasies and kinks. Just like how it is all fictitious, we need to be well aware that in reality, things can have a very different take. But what I can say for sure is that it has definitely helped me broaden my view and I have been able to accept the matter in consideration with a more liberal mindset.
To a future where hope awaits all of us to co-exist without barriers, to be a little less judgemental, to be a little more accepting, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!
DISCLAIMER: As much as entertaining they can be, a majority of yaoi romanticize extreme toxicity, sex without consent and even violence. If you are likely to be triggered by such portrayals, I also recommend you to either take caution or avoid them.
